and it will be Mom's birthday. *sigh* I'm not really looking for pity, or really any responses, but just need to get this out. I have just been a mess lately. Just the anticapating of these next few weeks have me on edge. I hide it well, but my emotions are JUST under the surface of this thin exterior. We went out to dinner tonight (not in the mood to actually decide what to do for dinner) and while we were there the Beatles song "Michelle" comes on in the restaurant. *sigh* SO reminded me of mom and I started crying right there. *sigh* Mom loved that song and would aways sing it when it was playing on the radio, and EVERY time we would hear it she would tell me the story about how they almost named me Michelle. Gosh I miss her so much...... I feel so cheated... we were just starting our "friendship" after my obnoxious. petty. selfish, teenage, young adult years. I started seeing her SO differently after she first found out she had breast cancer. Seeing her go through ALL that and still having a smile on her face and it not ruffling her spirit just showed me just how strong a woman she is. And if I could only have one tenth of the heart and spirit that she had I can be pretty proud of myself. She was so fun to be around. Whenever my girlfriends and I would have a Mom's Night Out I always insisted that she come with us. Not that my friends minded they LOVED having her around too. Mom really couldn't understand why we wanted her there. It was just her presence and she would always have us busting up laughing. She was such a hoot. I miss that. I miss calling her up right after something funny the kids did or said, I miss shopping at Super Walmart at 4am in the morning, I miss her stories, I would never get tired of hearing them whether they be about how her and dad met, the adventure of getting married or how she swore that she peed green one New Years Eve after drinking. I miss her singing funny and goofy kid songs with my kids. I miss how much she loved the dumb big purple dinosaur. She would even watch it at home when she didn't have any kids over. LOL *sigh* I just miss her so much and I feel like I just lost her all over again. Two weeks from today it will be one year since we lost her. It has been such a LONG year.... but yet the same it feels like it happened yesterday. People say it gets easier... but somehow I think they lie and it is just something people say to make you think there is light at the end of the tunnel because it doesn't feel like it is any easier. I just continue to pray that God will continue to help me through this, get me through each and every day, because I honestly believe if it wasn't for Him I would be in bed, dead to the world, and a complete mess,
Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder for a bit.
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